Yesterday was a sad day for me. I can’t believe that I lost a friend. He was not a close friend but I know, he was a nice and good friend. Many of his friends came to his funeral. And that showed how he was loved by everyone. Everyone cares for him, loves him and now, we miss him. His death really shocked me but I was prepared because with his condition for last few days weren’t good. And even he was alive, he would suffer.


I was there at his funeral and hope to see him for the very last time. But unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to see him. I was sad yet life still has to go on. I was on my menses and I didn’t get to see him even at cemetery. I was scared to step over to another grave because I thought it was not good. I don’t know. Maybe it was just a feeling.


When they brought back his body around 1.30pm, everything that we’ve done before flashed back in my mind. Bf was crying and didn’t know how to console him. Bf and he were good friends. And I remembered how close they were before. And it really hurts me to see Bf cried.


FLASHBACK.


In living memories of late Sharunnizam aka Traz.


I knew him since 2004 through my Bf. I saw him at Bf’s aunt’s wedding because he was there to help with Bf. Bf introduced him to me and my cousin. And we started to talk under the void deck before my cousin and I went off. Since that day, he told Bf that he wanted to make friends with my cousin. And yes, my cousin agreed.


They went in contact for I don’t know how long. And I heard that they went out together and things goes on. I heard there were a few problems going on with them but I don’t wish to get involve. After for so long, we get to meet with each other again on 1st January 2005. Yeah, it was during countdown. They were having gathering at east coast and Bf and I were invited and so, we went there.


We talked about my cousin’s behavior towards him, and I don’t know how to console him. I mean, that was my second time and I was not close to him back then. But I managed to help him to get in contact with my cousin again. And yes. They still went on. I don’t know the reason why they argued and like I’ve said, I don’t wish to get involve.


Since that day, Bf and I lost contact with him and there were no news about him. So, we thought he found another girlfriend or maybe he was busy with his career. So, we thought that was good for him. And to my surprise, we met again after he knew that Bf just got his license. That was around end of November 2006.
He accompanied Bf to buy his bike and that was the time I was hospitalized.


After I can be discharged, he sent Bf back to hospital but unfortunately, his bike had to send for servicing. But, he still accompanied Bf to hospital. That was what I called a good friend. So, we went back by cab and Bf paid for it. We sent him back home first because he was sleepy.


On the day when Bf got his bike, he accompanied him to meet me at commonwealth even he had to go work after that. Bf still doesn’t know the way to go here and there, he was the one who showed and lead him the way. U see, how sad it was? A friend who could do anything for a friend. But, that’s not the end. Ever since then, he went out with Bf and showed the way if he wanted to go anywhere and on that day itself, he got in contact with my cousin again.


And I remembered that my cousin and I were going for an interview together and they followed us. Of course I rode on bf’s bike and my cousin on his bike. And this was the funniest part. We were on the road at west coast, and we saw my cousin’s father lorry beside us. He was looking at us and after the traffic light turned green, they speed off quickly. It was funny to see how scared they were.


And yeah, we went to vivo together and they sent us back home. Since then, Bf went out with him for almost everyday. As days went on, I was invited to my friend’s pit at east coast. And my friend’s pit was also a chatter whom he also knows. He has many friends indeed. Bf and I were on the way to east coast and we got lost. We were at Hougang and some more, it was raining. And guess what? BF was calling him to ask him which way to go to east coast and he said that he’s going to meet us there.


He took us from Hougang which was near to his place and we went back to his place to take his passport and from there, we went to my friend’s pit. He accompanied us all the way there and after we reached there and sat for 45 minutes or so, he went to meet his friend while Bf sent me back home. And after that, Bf accompanied him to Johore with his friends.


We met up again during 2007’s countdown. This time round, we had fun together. There were myself, Bf, him, bestie and their friend with his gf. The six of us planned to countdown at the esplanade but we got stuck because of the traffic jam. So, we went riding instead. After riding, we went to play arcade and we had our very early breakfast at pasir panjang. After that, we went off in different directions.


Bestie told me that he didn’t go home after sending her back. He was afraid that he couldn’t
wake up the next day because he was working. Bestie accompanied him to stay overnight under her block and he was sleeping soundly. Guess how tired he was? He was damn tired. Then, bestie told me that he went off to work at around 8 am or late, I can’t remember that at all.


The night was over and we went back as normal. And after that night, he went disappearing again. We lost contact with each other again. Bf told me that last month he saw him at east coast together with his friends. And they gathered together and he went off early on that night. Which after, he saw him again 2 days before he met with an accident but he was just beside him while waiting for the traffic light. They didn’t manage to talk as he was going to different direction.



Unexpectedly, Bf told me he met with a terrible accident and had a chance of 50/50 to survive. I visited him on the 2nd day and he was still unconscious. Why do all good persons have to go first? He left his family at such young age. He’s not married and has yet to have his own family yet. I was sad, so sad. I went to read one of his friend’s blog, and she said that he was conscious on the third day. He can’t talk nor moved his eyes. He just shakes his head as to answer his brother’s questions.


His fingers were moving and he was trying to fight for his life. But he couldn’t make it. We thought of visiting him on Saturday as I was afraid it will be too late. But I never thought he would go that soon. It was less expected.
So, yesterday, I couldn’t hold back my tears. I was crying non-stop thinking back the time we used to spend together with our friends.


He was a volunteer at Darul Ma’wa. It was the place where orphans are living there. He helped them as much as he could and yeah. They held a feast there and prayed for him together. Everyone who attended was crying because they made a slide show of his pictures. And we have to remember how he used to cherish his life. It was so sad yet sweet. He did many good deeds when he was still alive and I hope god will lighten his burden down there.


I was thinking again yesterday. Bf and I used to go riding with him and my cousin. Yet yesterday, we were with his 2nd brother who known as Khai aka Raggaeton (his chat nick) also a chatter from alamak. It just came across my mind that is he going to replace his brother? Remember that I said bf and I were lost at Hougang once? Yes. Yesterday we were on the way back to his house at SengKang but we lost them when were at expressway. And we got lost once again at Hougang.


We called his brother and told him we were at the dead end of LRT which was called NIBONG. And he said that he didn’t know where the place was but he asked us to go to any blocks in Hougang and called him and waited there for him. I was shocked because he sounds like his late brother. But however, we managed to find his block few minutes later. And his brother was with us for the whole day yesterday. And I somehow thought he was his late brother. I am sure, that everyone would miss him.


Rest in peace my dear friend. We miss you a lot.



His death is so tragic. And he’s still so young and I’ve said he is not married and hasn’t started his own family yet. He left his family at such young age whereby people can plan their future at that age. Why can’t u understand? How can u differentiate his and grandfather’s death?


Grandfather was already old and I’ve regretted because I didn’t even get the last chance to seek his forgiveness. At least, he has seen his children settled down and his death was because of his sickness. I’d felt remorseful about it and u didn’t even know that I was crying whenever I think about him. What do you know? U only knows to say words that hurt me.



He’s part of our family and which eyes of you see me sleeping early on that night? Which ears of you heard me laughing and crapping when I was telling my brother and cousins how hurt I was when he left us? And do you know that I was crying when one of them told me no one was there when he gave his last breathe? Do you know that when he was alive, he used to shout and call us to accompany him because he was scared he couldn’t get to see you for the last time?


Do u know and remember that?


My friend’s tragic death was a very sad one ever. Why can’t u understand? Why can’t u think of the positive way about me? It was already midnight and u should know that I will be back very soon. Why can’t u even think that something might happen to me when I’m on the way home? What if u gave me uncountable miss calls but when suddenly u receives a call that something bad happens to me? And what if u pick up the calls and u thought it was me but before someone can talk to you, you already curse and scold me? Why can’t u think something like that?


Do u know that I was hurt yesterday? Do u know even if I shouted at you, my tears were rolling down on my cheeks? You always think negatively about me! I hate it! I fucking hate it!